There I was on Friday... in my "usual" thinking place. Yep...behind the wheel going approximately 64 in a 55mile/hour zone. And I got to thinking how it's been the making of "new" memories that have really have helped me with handling the loss of Mike.
Friends & family have commented on just how much I have traveled in the past 23 months since Mike died. It's true...I have traveled...alot! But then I've always loved to travel and I'd gone to lots of places even before I got married as well as afterwards with the girls and Mike. But...in the past year and a half it has hit overdrive. I've been to Barcelona, Spain and Brussels, Belgium with the girls; Took a Jamaica/Grand Cayman/Cozumel Cruise with Katie, Traveled 2 1/2 weeks through Japan with Amie; flew numerous times to/from California. Twice was with both Girls...One during Christmas and the other became an exploration along along Hwy 1 from San Francisco down to Morro Bay and back again; drove up to Banner Elk, NC to see fall foliage with friends; back to eastern NC to visit friends; Flew to Boston for this past Christmas; Drove to Orlando, Fl so many times to visit with Amie when she was living down there; and most recently I've packed the miles on my car driving back and forth to Tennessee to see Katie and Kentucky to visit Amie definitely a minimum of at least 8 times just since November! Yeah....I have done ALOT of traveling. I have to smile ironically as I type because I just finished, a couple weeks ago, planning a Mediterranean Cruise followed by a land tour of Italy that I'm heading off to this Fall...with Amie!
But..most of my traveling was not intentional. I didn't say to myself...I need to go travel!!! I must go and make "new" memories in new and exotic places.
In truth...I think the desire to travel was really more of an instinctual thing. To escape and go far away from the places full of "old" memories. Which was everything in Savannah actually. And the trips/travel or escapes...actually were in the form of everyday..gotta go see this person or that person. These trips wove naturally into my life. Which is why I never thought of them as escapes.
But now...as I drove and thought about my travels...it's clear to me that most of my travel trips were to either to visit family (the girls and/or my Mom mostly). Or they were "deliberately" scheduled to take place during those "special days". Those days. Ugh. Yep...some trips were definitely planned on purpose!!
You know the ones. The big square numbers on my calendar that I want to avoid completely. Just pretend it doesn't exist or just get PAST it...as fast as possible. Mikes Birthday, Our Anniversary, the fourth of July when he proposed, my Birthday, basically EVERY holiday, and the worst of the worst possible day....the day Mike actually died.
The idea to "get outa Dodge" was not subconscious during those dates. I was fully conscious and premeditating on planning those ones. But so much travel? Hmmm.
Some of that may well have been subconcious. Probably even the truth behind the comment my sister made a few months ago when she told me, "I get it, Mom traveled around the world after Dad died too". Her comment is the one that got me thinking the other day behind the wheel of my car.
I really never intended to do all this domestic and international travel right after Mike died. It's not like I am made of money either.
The trip to Japan with Amie was one I had promised her for years. Barcelona and Belgium...well that just was a whirlwind, spur of the moment, lets-have-a-last-minute-Mom/Daughter-trip-before-you -graduate-College impulse. Katie even planned most all of it. All I did was pull out my checkbook. Jamaica Cruise...was a definite plan for me to be somewhere else on my last birthday. Italy and Mediterranean...started out as a volunteer idea actually...then just evolved into a major cruise and trip that then involved Amie. But there were the ones that were pre-meditated....
My plan to skydive back in March five months after Mike died was purposefully to be my "escape" from our silver and first anniversary taking place after Mike died...but "cloud cover" made the flight crew reluctant to put their plane in the air. Dang! So I tried a second time. That time I planned for Mikes birthday this past September. But then Amie got emergently hospitalized in Florida with pneumonia. I cancelled the plane reservation and stayed with her in the hospital. Again in Florida! Florida was a huge "go to" place after Mike died. I must've driven down there at least a dozen times. But it was because Amie was doing her Disney internship in Orlando. So I'd visit a lot. Then, this past November, ..Katie up and gets an interview followed by a need to get an apartment followed by...driving a Uhaul truck to Tennessee. And of course...I'm gonna visit my baby girl...alot! And wallah... Amie got her summer job in Kentucky...so yeah...lets check it out. Might as well stop along the way...always did want to see Chatannooga. Hmmm. Might as well stop in Asheville, NC on the way home. Normal thoughts. California back and forths were due to family and helping with my Mom who had had a stroke 3 weeks before Mike got his cancer diagnosis. So... definitely not like I planned on vying with Phineas Fogg to go around the world in 23 months or that kinda thing.
But being a bit "stuck" in Savannah was hard too. Memories everywhere. Experts say keep things the same for at least a year. Plus the girls needed stability. Their lives were stressed and heading into limbo as they graduated college and tried to figure out where they would live/move/get a job etc. So....in retrospect, I think God knew that I needed new memories.
And He helped make that happen. "New" places. New memories that didn't involve Mike. While it seems sad and even mean to say out loud...or type on paper. That is actually a good thing. Because..these new ones were fun memories. Sure there were times I cried during them because Mike wasn't there and in them.
But..this is the thing I realize now. I am very "okay" with returning to these "new" memories. Revisiting in my mind those new places I got to see and explore. Whereas the memories of times before Mike died.. just bring back pain. I don't want to think too long on them. I don't want to go through photo albums. I don't want to travel down the myriad of distant paths within my memory lane. But the newer ones...they're okay to go back down.
So yep. Making new memories in new places....do it. It's definitely been a good coping mechanism. Different places, different people, and doing very different things...climbing up waterfalls, touring castles, getting blisters from all the walking, coaxing snow monkeys into a photo shot. These new memories and travels really have been super helpful in coping with life without Mike.
But it's still odd to think about what my sister had said about my Mom. That she traveled a ton too right after my Dad died (though she too had traveled extensively with my Dad...they both infected me with the travel bug gene!). But it was so true. My Mom hit travel overdrive after my Dad died too! She worked as a domestic travel agent at AAA and was promoted to world travel agent soon after he passed away. So my Mom promptly headed up group tours all over the world for the next 8 years. Even took me on my first Mediterranean Cruise to Israel, Egypt, Turkey and Greece when I was only 25! Hmmm. Here all these years I just thought she was working.
And it's only now....34 years after my Dad passed away that I realize....hey.. God had a reason for putting her into all that. Huh. (shaking my head). So interesting to reflect back on how He works and the fact it's taken me these past 20 months to even realize He was behind a lot of this! For me...and probably for my Mom as well. Huh. (shaking head again). Okay then. Happy Trails :).
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